that was on purpose. this was a mistake, though.

right i just realised that i’ve never dated a girl with a chinese name. and by no means is that a freaky coincidence. this shit was planned the minute i found out about the awesomeness of b00bs. first off, they’re hard to pronounce. i mean is woo pronounced as ‘woooo’ or ‘whooooo’ or ‘wheeeee’ ? fucking puzzle right there. and secondly its the major boner killer in the bedroom. now i’m going to use chun li who’s that chick from street fighter with the excessively muscular thighs (yes, the game screenshots dictate so) as an example of how wrong names can go. and given that most people use short forms in the bedroom for names, this is pretty much what’s going to happen. you’re gonna be going “oh chun, oohhhh chunnn.” and the only image that’s going to be going through your head will be this:

if you can keep going after this, you don’t need a woman, you need help. serious help. like the kind of guy who’d help zhihao wean off giving head wherever he goes. he may not be successful, but at least he’s given a thought for lost causes.

today was new moon. several key points to note:
1) clarence is a whore
2) kristen stewart is a cunt
3) men who run around the forest without their clothes are faggots
4) even more so for vampires that glitter in the fucking sun. seriously, wtf is that all about
5) MEN DON’T WEAR LIPSTICK, YOU FUCKING MORONS.

i don’t really buy the whole premise of the story. i mean what sort of naive shit-headed girl wants to tempt fate by pushing her luck for a vampire-werewolf orgy. maybe you guys do, maybe you guys don’t. in any case, please go to the nearest cinema, purchase a ticket for yourself and annoy the fuck outta the audience by providing commentary. DO NOT BRING A DATE. SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH THE BEAUTIFUL WEREWOLF BOY OR THE GLITTERY VAMPIRE GIRL BOY AND WILL SPEND THE REST OF HER HOLIDAYS MASTURBATING TO PICTURES OF ONE OR THE BOTH OF THEM. of course, there are a few mindless souls who’re in relationships that offer no sexual gratification whatsoever, thus granting them immunity to this rule. the rest of you heterosexual men, be warned: they’re gorgeous and glittery.

and apparently one of them has quite a mess to clean up.

ps i don’t have a secret crush on that street fighter chick. just a fyi.

to and back

i just had one hell of a disturbing dream. which doesn’t quite justify me posting here but whatever. i’ve actually been meaning to update this place, what with the constant reminders from various people. i tell myself (and them) tomorrow. which comes but i never really do. call me lazy but i’ve never actually been sufficiently enough motivated to do anything unless its out of sheer interest. might sort of explain why i’m constantly tinkering with hardware and have absolutely no interest in the various sports.

alright i’m ranting, but i’ll be back later today to update. hopefully the tequila doesn’t keep me up. yes, i’ve given in and gone back to drinking. we all have our vices, and alcohol is mine.

peace.

absolutely, i’m the boss

in the spirit of all things good, bad and chewy, i shall draft out and maybe publish a post tomorrow. watercooler speak, as i fondly call it. keep your eyes peeled and your nipples perky

xxoo

the chip is in your head, not on my shoulder

i’m writing this with a head full of steam so pardon me if this entry isn’t entirely coherent to those not familiar with my way of thinking

that being said, let’s get right to it.

singapore’s got a problem. its worse than a “rat infestation in a rice field problem.” its populated by this group of people. this group of absolutely worthless individuals. and they contribute absolutely nothing at all. want proof ? visit any asian country, and you’ll find that roughly 80% of the hobo population consists of these people. and yet despite all this, they sit around, whistling whenever a girl walks by, thinking they’re the shit and whatnot. get a job, or better yet, get a fucking clue, you bunch of queers.

haven’t already figured out which group i’m talking about ? head down to any HDB void deck after 11pm. you can’t miss them; they’re the chaps with the tight faggot pants, complete with a billabong cap and pair of slippers.

not wanting to defile my blog by posting about vermin, i shall conclude this entry with a picture of skankatron megan fox sexing up this month’s issue of the rolling stones magazine:

i’m not a huge fan. and no, i did NOT get a boner while adding that picture to this post. so there.

mommy, can i be a strawberry ?

that strawberry in particular.

so. i’ve been sitting here on my ass for the past 2 hours, thinking about what i should post here. or whether i should post here at all. it used to be more fun back in college when i actually wanted to say stuff just to piss people off. that hasn’t really changed, i still make comments to piss people off. mostly because i can. and lets face it, if i’m insulting you, its probably for a good reason. look at the three biggest losers that i take great pleasure in insulting: eran, pengho and zhihao. what do those three wankers have in common ? that’s right, they’re dumbasses.

somebody asked me recently whether i’m anti-religion. as interesting a question as it is, sadly i’m not. i’d prefer the term anti-establishment. anti-religion might be offensive to a few. and hey, i’ve got nothing against religion in general, just so long as you don’t try pushing your product on me. jesus is a saviour, not a brand of skin cream. but i have watched a porno before where somebody referred to something as jesus. so skin cream might not actually be that far off for some.

i think only yuhang will understand who this picture refers to. and before you ask: it was from the women’s weekly cover page. just had to clear that up, in case the sex stimulus bit raised a few eyebrows. esquire’s better for that stuff actually, get a subscription if you’re interested.

apologies for the short entry, but i really have to get back to my tub of B&J.

xxoo

it’s like Amsterdam in here

right and once again, i’ve somehow managed to forget all about this place. oh yeah before i go on any further, RIP adam goldstein aka DJ AM. i’d like to call this final destination in real life. yeah, to survive that horrific plane crash around 11 months ago, only to OD on some of the good shit. and ironically enough, he was involved in a reality show about (supposedly) famous people who’ve steered off drugs for a good amount of time or something like that. i’m probably a dick for saying this, but seriously, couldn’t you have found a better way to off yourself ? damn.

life’s been good lately. finally got a haircut which is like whoa. its so short, i can’t believe it. good thing is its gonna grow out exactly the way i want it to. so that’s one thing i don’t have to worry about until next year.

i’ve been very careful this entire year not to get too close to anybody in particular. can’t say its been that effective, but i’ve got the clear conscience that i tried. a little. its hard to ignore when both parties have more than alot in common. where on earth are you going to find a chick who listens to velvet revolver, nine inch nails and rage against the machine ? yep, that’s lauren. quirky accent, but i think its really cute.

and her brother is awesome. wayy cooler than i was when i was his age. i still find that toothbrush joke oddly amusing. novelty was supposed to have worn off by now, but it hasn’t. hmm.

trippin’ balls at the moment, will update soon. or not. we’ll see.

cy@~

ps, if anybody knows where i can get a replacement front bumper in metallic obsidian black for a 2006 BMW 325i (M), hit me up on my cell or drop a comment below. 860 bucks is a tough pill to swallow right now. or if you know somebody who can fix a minor dent, hit me up. no paint damage, just a minor fender bender. i’m probably going to get reamed out for this in a couple of days, but that’s another story altogether. on a sidenote,  registration and all the emission tests went through NJMVC and i’m officially a car owner. hurrah!

can i get an encore ?

after much thinking, i’ve decided to continue posting in a public blog. not for anybody in particular. i’ll admit i’ve been pushing back setting this blog up, and with good reason. sometimes the end result just isn’t worth the effort. this golden rule goes especially for women.

so,

my thoughts at this point can only be described as cluttered. having slightly more time on my hands hasn’t given me enough motivation to finish up and settle some stuff which i’ve been procrastinating since like forever. “i’ll get to it tomorrow”, that’s what i’ve been saying. and i’ve said that at least 6 times over the last 2 week, the most recent being yesterday night. i managed to convince myself that the weekend was a good enough excuse to not do anything remotely productive. hell, the weekend’s a good excuse for pretty much anything. its not as though normal people do anything productive on weekends. even *most* companies and educational institutions have recognised this, and from this, the 5 day work week was born. piss-poor excuse if you ask me, but whatever, i know a lost cause when i see one, which is also why i don’t donate to old people who sit outside the various MRT stations and bus depots. you’ve got your hands and legs, you’ve got all the help you need. age isn’t an excuse for laziness, not in this economy at least.

i can’t say how often i’ll be updating this place for sure, as i’m usually semi-occupied (semi, meaning i’m always zoning out halfway) with other tasks. if i don’t post back, don’t worry, i probably just carried on living my life. i will, however, reply to comments, provided the comments page is rendered properly on my cellphone. speaking of which, i did get a new cellphone. didn’t end up selling my blackberry, still convenient to keep work and pleasure stuff separate. got a HTC Touch Pro2. and its the shit. only problem is the battery life, doesn’t last me over 2 days with heavy usage, while my blackberry could pull off 3 days without breaking a sweat. SatNav is good enough for daily usage even though i don’t trust it as much as a dedicated GPS device. but whatever, its not like you can get lost in singapore anyway. still waiting for that stupid dealership to get the paperwork through. you’d think they’d actually want to get their hands on my money faster. quite the opposite actually.

i’ve got more, i’ll post back soon enough.

oh yeah, there’s a comments link below each post. drop a comment (or a load) if you feel gnarly.

peace out.